Essay

Dominant is Not a Species

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“Mallard” is a species. A mallard is born a mallard and will be a mallard until it dies, and nothing that was not born a mallard can ever become one. Being a mallard entails a cluster of traits that all mallards share. All mallards have bills, wings and two webbed feet. All mallards swim and […]

Essay

Kink Has Always Been Political

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You’ve heard of the Marquis de Sade, right? The guy whose name we use for sadism? You probably know that he wrote some extraordinarily dirty books, but some of you have missed that he was also a political satirist. His magnum opus, 120 Days of Sodom, is about an Aristocrat, a Bishop, a Judge and […]

Essay

The Romance of Restraint

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In between all the screaming and begging and cumming, there are deeper lessons available to be learned in the practice of kink. One of those lessons is about the romance of restraint. We all know that rope is sexy and heavy steel manacles are sexy. Rigid protocol is sexy, and so is turning basic functions […]

Uncategorized

Desirable Men

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Over on FetLife, posting sexy pictures is a big deal. Perving all those pictures is the main draw of the site for many users. Posting them and having them appreciated can be a source of validation and exhibitionistic enjoyment for the creators. There’s even kind of popularity contest in the form of the “Kinky&Popular” page […]

Announcement

The Pleasure of Wanting

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Do you live in the Bay Area? On November 5 I’ll be teaching Orgasm Denial for Society of Janus. Come join me! October is wrapping up, and the Great December Gift Orgy is coming into view on the horizon. Is there something you want, but you’re going to have to wait two long months until […]

Essay

I ♥ Consensual Objectification

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One of my all time favorite sex toys is the Fleshlight that a partner of mine carries around for me between her legs. It’s right where a person’s genitals would be, but we’ve long established that she is not a real person and does not have genitals of her own. A person’s genitals, after all, […]

Erotica

Surrender

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I bring my hand down hard on the tender upper part of her inner thigh. She gasps and tenses. Her whole body shakes as she fights the reflex to slam her knees together. Then: I watch the spasm pass. I hear the rushing intake of her breath. I see her body relax again, more completely […]

Announcement

New Book: The Dominance Playbook

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When I published The Heart of Dominance, I wasn’t sure if anyone other than few friends was going to buy it. Finding out the answer to that question was one of my reasons for wanting to publish. I think about power exchange a lot. Like: a lot. I had all these ideas and explanations and […]