Books
For many people, FetLife is their primary access point to the world of kink, but though Fet is a fire hose of sexy images, dirty fantasies and fetish-filled user profiles, it can be exceedingly difficult to reach through the screen and make a human connection. This pay-what-you-choose ebook is your guide to leveraging FetLife in your search for love, play, community and kinky fulfillment.
Retreat
The Power & Intimacy retreat is a place to enhance your power exchange relationship, whether you’re just beginning to explore the romance of dominance and submission with your partner(s), or looking to take an existing power dynamic to the next level.
Workshops
I’ve presented at Northwest Leather Celebration and Dark Odyssey’s Surrender, as well as leading workshops for Bay Area groups like Society of Janus and Citadel since 2003.
My teaching style emphasizes participation and everyone in the room learning from one another, and dispenses with prescriptive ideas of the “right” or “true” way to practice power exchange. I want to demystify power exchange by distilling tools for success into clear language and skills you can learn and practice, without resorting to obfuscating jargon or appeals to vaguely defined energies.
Essays
“Nice Guy” and “Bad Boy” Aren’t Your Only Options
“Women say they want nice guys, but really they go for the bad boy.” This narrative is based on two really dumb ideas—the sort of ideas that are obviously dumb when you they’re stated directly, but that can slide into your thinking unnoticed when they’re merely implied. The first dumb idea is that women, as […]
New Book: The Dominance Playbook
When I published The Heart of Dominance, I wasn’t sure if anyone other than few friends was going to buy it. Finding out the answer to that question was one of my reasons for wanting to publish. I think about power exchange a lot. Like: a lot. I had all these ideas and explanations and […]
Kink Shaming, and What It Isn’t
The idea of kink shaming as a thing to avoid is useful concept, and like all useful concepts it can be misapplied. Mainstream society is savagely judgmental of sexual pleasure, and cruel towards anything and anyone that stands out as different. I don’t think that’s news to any of us who have desires for unusual […]