Essay

Negotiation Tip: Get to the Heart of Desire

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I have a bone to pick with negotiation checklists. Anyone who’s looked for education or advice on how to negotiate for the kinky experiences you want has seen these things recommended. They’re these multi-page lists of every kinky activity the list author could conceive of, where you’re supposed to rate each one on some scale […]

Erotica

Going For the Brass Ring

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Whenever she sat down in a staff meeting, the slave liked to imagine that everyone in the room could hear her rings click. A big part of her wanted them to—wanted the professional mask she wore five days a week to be humiliatingly shattered, revealing her true nature to the world. But that was not […]

Essay

Protecting Yourself From False Allegations

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Do you worry about false accusations? Maybe you’ve seen someone get drummed out of some kinky community with no trial, no police report, no physical evidence, and maybe even with no chance to tell their side of the story—just because someone accused them of violating consent. What if the accuser was just making it all […]

Essay

Five to One

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There’s this pop-psychology idea running around that a healthy relationship has five positive interactions for every one negative one. I don’t know about the exact math, but I love the general insight that negative and positive interactions balance one another in a relationship, but they don’t balance one another evenly. If your partner forgets to […]

Essay

Consensual Dominance

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What is Consensual Dominance? The most concise definition of consensual dominance I’ve ever been able to come up with is that it is the exercise of interpersonal power by the mutual agreement of and for the mutual fulfillment of all involved. Consensual interpersonal power is expressed in the hot, complicated space between what someone wants […]