“What are some ways I can punish my submissive?” is a super common question in kinky circles. And usually the answer it gets is some brusque version of “Figure it out for yourself.” That answer has a point. It is true that it’s best for the choice of how (and whether) to punish to flow […]
“I will do whatever I want to you, whenever I want to do it.” For a lot of folks that is an insanely hot fantasy, while also provoking a lot of anxiety when they start thinking about the daily practicalities. I mean, how sexy is it to know that you exist as a toy for […]
1. Mollena Williams-Haas is one of the wisest, realest voices on M/s dynamics I’ve ever found. Go watch The Artist and the Pervert, then pick up a copy of Playing Well With Others for an excellent guide to the human side of kink. 2. Feminista Jones writes and speaks about feminism in mainstream spaces (think […]
Do you crave being made to suffer in ways you hate? Do you simultaneously care deeply about your partner’s happiness and want to treat them like their feelings don’t matter? Do you want to struggle and strain to move against restraints that hold you helplessly in place? Do you love watching your partner cum, and […]
Do you live in the Bay Area? On November 5 I’ll be teaching Orgasm Denial for Society of Janus. Come join me! October is wrapping up, and the Great December Gift Orgy is coming into view on the horizon. Is there something you want, but you’re going to have to wait two long months until […]
Resistance, as I’m using the word here, is the frustrating experience of wanting to submit but having a hard time actually letting go and doing it in the moment. It is fundamentally an internal conflict in the mind the submitting partner, but it often becomes a conflict between partners when frustration leads to blaming one […]
“The only discipline that lasts is self-discipline.” —Bum Phillips “Discipline” is a very popular, very sexy concept for those of us who love power exchange, but what is discipline, really, and how does it work? Discipline is responding with a crisp “Yes, Sir!” every time we receive an order. Discipline is noticing and correcting every […]
Pretty often I see people ask for ideas of things they could do with their submissive, and usually most of the responses they get are super dismissive. But I think it’s a fair question. We can all run short on inspiration sometimes. So here are twelve relatively simple ideas for regular dominance in a relationship, […]
There’s this seeming paradox in what’s expected of those of us who aspire to dominate. On the one hand, we’re supposed to be masterful. We’re supposed to be the kind of people who always have to have things their own way, and who bend others to their will. On the other hand, we’re supposed to […]
“I’m 100% dominant.” “I don’t have a submissive bone in my body.” “I couldn’t be submissive if I tried.” It’s the favorite humblebrag of folks who dominate but could never-ever not me no-siree possibly submit. It’s a humblebrag because while it’s phrased as an admission of inability, it’s almost always really meant to be a […]