Do you crave being made to suffer in ways you hate? Do you simultaneously care deeply about your partner’s happiness and want to treat them like their feelings don’t matter? Do you want to struggle and strain to move against restraints that hold you helplessly in place? Do you love watching your partner cum, and […]
Do you live in the Bay Area? On November 5 I’ll be teaching Orgasm Denial for Society of Janus. Come join me! October is wrapping up, and the Great December Gift Orgy is coming into view on the horizon. Is there something you want, but you’re going to have to wait two long months until […]
Resistance, as I’m using the word here, is the frustrating experience of wanting to submit but having a hard time actually letting go and doing it in the moment. It is fundamentally an internal conflict in the mind the submitting partner, but it often becomes a conflict between partners when frustration leads to blaming one […]
“The only discipline that lasts is self-discipline.” —Bum Phillips “Discipline” is a very popular, very sexy concept for those of us who love power exchange, but what is discipline, really, and how does it work? Discipline is responding with a crisp “Yes, Sir!” every time we receive an order. Discipline is noticing and correcting every […]
Pretty often I see people ask for ideas of things they could do with their submissive, and usually most of the responses they get are super dismissive. But I think it’s a fair question. We can all run short on inspiration sometimes. So here are twelve relatively simple ideas for regular dominance in a relationship, […]
There’s this seeming paradox in what’s expected of those of us who aspire to dominate. On the one hand, we’re supposed to be masterful. We’re supposed to be the kind of people who always have to have things their own way, and who bend others to their will. On the other hand, we’re supposed to […]
“I’m 100% dominant.” “I don’t have a submissive bone in my body.” “I couldn’t be submissive if I tried.” It’s the favorite humblebrag of folks who dominate but could never-ever not me no-siree possibly submit. It’s a humblebrag because while it’s phrased as an admission of inability, it’s almost always really meant to be a […]
A little excerpt from my shiny new book, The Heart of Dominance. The first lesson to learn on the path to competent dominance is that we cannot make anyone do anything. I don’t mean that just in the context of consensual dominance either. I mean that no one can ever truly make anyone do anything. […]
A little excerpt from my shiny new book, The Heart of Dominance. Many of us love to play with surprise, and for good reason. Information is power, and controlling information means holding power. Blindfolding our partner so they don’t know what we’re about to do to them, or taking them on a trip and not […]
Really powerful dominance is founded on really deep knowledge of our partners. We can rule them and guide them and play them like instruments because we know how they work: what they need, what they fear, what inspires them, what puts a smile on their faces and, perhaps most of all, what gets them so […]