Essay

Kink Has Always Been Political

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You’ve heard of the Marquis de Sade, right? The guy whose name we use for sadism? You probably know that he wrote some extraordinarily dirty books, but some of you have missed that he was also a political satirist. His magnum opus, 120 Days of Sodom, is about an Aristocrat, a Bishop, a Judge and […]

Essay

The Romance of Restraint

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In between all the screaming and begging and cumming, there are deeper lessons available to be learned in the practice of kink. One of those lessons is about the romance of restraint. We all know that rope is sexy and heavy steel manacles are sexy. Rigid protocol is sexy, and so is turning basic functions […]

Announcement

The Pleasure of Wanting

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Do you live in the Bay Area? On November 5 I’ll be teaching Orgasm Denial for Society of Janus. Come join me! October is wrapping up, and the Great December Gift Orgy is coming into view on the horizon. Is there something you want, but you’re going to have to wait two long months until […]

Essay

I ♥ Consensual Objectification

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One of my all time favorite sex toys is the Fleshlight that a partner of mine carries around for me between her legs. It’s right where a person’s genitals would be, but we’ve long established that she is not a real person and does not have genitals of her own. A person’s genitals, after all, […]

Erotica

Surrender

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I bring my hand down hard on the tender upper part of her inner thigh. She gasps and tenses. Her whole body shakes as she fights the reflex to slam her knees together. Then: I watch the spasm pass. I hear the rushing intake of her breath. I see her body relax again, more completely […]

Essay

Kink Shaming, and What It Isn’t

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The idea of kink shaming as a thing to avoid is a useful concept, and like all useful concepts it can be misapplied. Mainstream society is savagely judgmental of sexual pleasure, and cruel towards anything and anyone that stands out as different. I don’t think that’s news to any of us who have desires for […]

Announcement

How to Find Partners on FetLife

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Y’all know what FetLife is, right? Big social media site for kinksters? So far as I know it’s the biggest, widest-spread group of out-of-the-closet kinky people all talking with each other together in one place that’s ever existed, and that fascinates me. I love cruising the larger groups and seeing what people are talking about, […]

Essay

Starting Your Power Exchange Over

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An excerpt from my upcoming book “Ways to Play With Power,” posted in response to someone in the Novices & Newbies group on Fetlife asking about pretty much exactly this situation. ~***~ Power relationships have their natural ebb and flow of focus on the dynamic, but sometimes we can fall into an ebb so deep […]