“How can I find a real dominant?” is one of the most common and most urgent questions asked in kink communities all over the world. We’ve wrestled with our submissive yearnings. Maybe we wasted years denying them. Now that we’re finally ready give ourselves permission to make them real, the need to find someone to […]
Resistance, as I’m using the word here, is the frustrating experience of wanting to submit but having a hard time actually letting go and doing it in the moment. It is fundamentally an internal conflict in the mind the submitting partner, but it often becomes a conflict between partners when frustration leads to blaming one […]
So you have a dominant who you feel lucky to get to submit to. You trust them. You respect their judgment. You’re comfortable following their lead, and you get a little thrill every time you get to say “yes” to them. Still, there are those occasional times when they say something that you’re pretty much […]
There are a lot of folks around our communities who are eager to be trained as s-types. They want to be appealing to the D-types they lust over. They have hot, juicy Marketplace-inspired fantasies about the training process itself. And just maybe, they have a sincere desire to be good: to be as useful and […]
“The only discipline that lasts is self-discipline.” —Bum Phillips “Discipline” is a very popular, very sexy concept for those of us who love power exchange, but what is discipline, really, and how does it work? Discipline is responding with a crisp “Yes, Sir!” every time we receive an order. Discipline is noticing and correcting every […]
Pretty often I see people ask for ideas of things they could do with their submissive, and usually most of the responses they get are super dismissive. But I think it’s a fair question. We can all run short on inspiration sometimes. So here are twelve relatively simple ideas for regular dominance in a relationship, […]
“There are two kinds of people in this world: Those who believe there are two kinds of people in this world and those who are smart enough to know better.” —Tom Robbins, Still Life With Woodpecker If you ever want to start a fruitless argument among any group of power exchange enthusiasts, just ask them […]
I once had a partner who I loved and whose happiness was super important to me. As her lover and her top I was particularly invested in her sexual satisfaction; I wanted to know all about her passions and her fantasies, and to be part of realizing the ones she wanted to see made real. […]
There’s this seeming paradox in what’s expected of those of us who aspire to dominate. On the one hand, we’re supposed to be masterful. We’re supposed to be the kind of people who always have to have things their own way, and who bend others to their will. On the other hand, we’re supposed to […]
“I’m 100% dominant.” “I don’t have a submissive bone in my body.” “I couldn’t be submissive if I tried.” It’s the favorite humblebrag of folks who dominate but could never-ever not me no-siree possibly submit. It’s a humblebrag because while it’s phrased as an admission of inability, it’s almost always really meant to be a […]