Submissive Skills

How to Disagree With Your Dominant

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So you have a dominant who you feel lucky to get to submit to. You trust them. You respect their judgment. You’re comfortable following their lead, and you get a little thrill every time you get to say “yes” to them. Still, there are those occasional times when they say something that you’re pretty much […]

Submissive Skills

Real Submissive Training

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There are a lot of folks around our communities who are eager to be trained as s-types. They want to be appealing to the D-types they lust over. They have hot, juicy Marketplace-inspired fantasies about the training process itself. And just maybe, they have a sincere desire to be good: to be as useful and […]

Dominant Technique

How to Discipline

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“The only discipline that lasts is self-discipline.” —Bum Phillips “Discipline” is a very popular, very sexy concept for those of us who love power exchange, but what is discipline, really, and how does it work? Discipline is responding with a crisp “Yes, Sir!” every time we receive an order. Discipline is noticing and correcting every […]

Essay

Slave or Submissive?

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“There are two kinds of people in this world: Those who believe there are two kinds of people in this world and those who are smart enough to know better.” —Tom Robbins, Still Life With Woodpecker If you ever want to start a fruitless argument among any group of power exchange enthusiasts, just ask them […]

Essay

Reality Check

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I once had a partner who I loved and whose happiness was super important to me. As her lover and her top I was particularly invested in her sexual satisfaction; I wanted to know all about her passions and her fantasies, and to be part of realizing the ones she wanted to see made real. […]

Dominant Technique

Consensualy Masterful

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There’s this seeming paradox in what’s expected of those of us who aspire to dominate. On the one hand, we’re supposed to be masterful. We’re supposed to be the kind of people who always have to have things their own way, and who bend others to their will. On the other hand, we’re supposed to […]

Essay

Mentor Someone

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I’m always hearing that the world of kink doesn’t have enough mentoring, or that we used to have mentors but we’re losing that tradition. Our communities have multiplied, fragmented and spread out across the breadth of the Internet. Everyone doesn’t go to the same bar and belong to the same club like they used to. […]

Essay

Topping From the Bottom is too A Real Thing

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I just read another essay arguing that topping from the bottom doesn’t really exist—that the phrase is just a way that people try to shame bottoms for having limits, expressing preferences or negotiating for what they want. And yeah: that totally happens. I see “topping from the bottom” get used that way all too frequently, […]